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It's almost March and I haven't lost a pound

Why do we do this to ourselves? I blame Richard Simmons. He’s pretty much America’s spokesperson for health. I mean look at him, he’s a like a gladiator.

2008 was going to be the year I finally get into shape. Really. I was serious this time. I bought an elliptical machine and granola bars. What am I doing wrong? I can’t understand why I’m not incredibly thin. Not only am I the proud owner of a new elliptical machine, I also have a treadmill, two Ab Rollers, ankle weights, a jump rope, an exercise ball, free weights, Tae Bo and Buns of Steel VHS tapes and one of those stretchy pilates bands.

I’m not even going to get into my history of habitually buying diet pills from celebrities on the TV. I feel you would think less of me.

This blog is brought to you by the 300 Workout.

I did the “190 workout” because I decided that 300 of any exercise isn’t humanly possible. That was four days ago and I still feel like someone beat the crap out of me.