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Making hold music worth the wait

So I have an idea for hold music (the music you hear while waiting on hold). The concept is simple: the songs would all have to do with either holding, waiting, or time. With this criterion, the hold-music playlist might look something like this. [I went excruciatingly middle of the road on artists in the belief that the more people on hold who recognize the songs, the more that recognize the pattern.]

The Waiting – Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers
Time Has Come Today – The Chambers Brothers
Hold On, I’m Coming – Sam & Dave
Time – Hootie & the Blowfish
Holding On – Steve Winwood
Time – Pink Floyd
Waiting on the World to Change – John Mayer
Right Here Waiting – Richard Marx
Hold On – Green Day
I’ll Wait – Van Halen
Everlasting Love – Howard Jones (Google the lyrics and see the chorus if you doubt me)
Just Wait – Blues Traveler
While We Wait – Jack Johnson
Let’s Wait Awhile – Janet Jackson
Hold On – En Vogue
Grab a Hold – Cyndi Lauper (Bet you thought I was going to choose “Time After Time” instead. Guess again.)
Waiting – Foreigner
Hold the Line – Toto
Waiting – Green Day
Keep Holding On – Avril Lavigne
Waiting – Sugar Ray
Hold On – Wilson Phillips
Time – The Backstreet Boys
Hold On – KT Tunstall

For a business with a more indie clientele, the hold-music playlist might look more like this:

Worth the Wait – We Are Scientists
Wait – Andrew Bird
The Wait – Built to Spill
Wait – The Kills
Hold On, Hold On – Neko Case
Wait – Lou Reed
Wait for Me – Sean Lennon
Time – Tom Waits
Time – David Bowie

Expanding the criterion to include songs that are homonyms for waiting and time makes possible the inclusion of these clever hold-time puns:

The Weight – The Band
Scarborough Fair (Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme)
Weight of the World – Evanescence
The Weight Around – Umphrey’s McGee
Carry That Weight – The Beatles

The way I see it, the pattern works for customers in two ways. First, the songs you hear are, in a manner of speaking, jokes, which gives this system of hold music some chance of being more entertaining than your average hold music. Second, the system acts as a built-in check and balance for companies looking to keep hold times down. For while the songs are jokes, they are jokes that, taken collectively, get old fast. During the first song, a customer might smile at the irony. During the second, the customer, noticing a pattern, might even laugh. By the third song, everything is a little less funny. By the fourth song—and after roughly twelve minutes of waiting—any customer in his or her right mind would be livid. Hence, the system is enormous incentive to keep wait times down. When the system works optimally, a person is on hold just long enough to get that first joke. Then he or she is greeted by a helpful, professional service representative who quickly and easily meets his or her needs.

That’s my vision for customer-service, people. Now let’s make it happen.